It Takes a Village: How to Find Community
Written by Heather Fraser, LPC-MHSP
They say it takes a village, but what does that mean? How big is the village? How far can it span? Does it look the same for everyone?
The reality is that life can be hard to navigate. Thankfully, you don’t have to complete the journey alone. While forming relationships is difficult and takes hard work, living without them can be even harder. Being involved in a community has numerous benefits, not only socially but also for our physical health, mental wellbeing, emotional regulation, and spiritual growth.
Social health
We were not made to live in isolation. It can be easy to go about your day and simply check the boxes of what you need to do- Wake up and exercise, go to work, stop at the store on the way home, get dinner started, do a few chores and then go to bed (’cause aren’t we all exhausted?). Before you know it, three days have passed, and you haven’t truly interacted with anyone outside of your household. Asking “how are you?” in passing and obligatorily responding with “good, you?” is NOT the same as a real, engaged, vulnerable conversation with another human being.
Feeling connected with others, having a sense of belonging, and knowing you are cared for are tremendously beneficial to our overall wellbeing.
Physical health
Nashville’s recent experience with the ice storm highlights the ways our basic needs for warmth, food, water, and safety can be met through a local community. Whether it is staying at a friend’s house when the power is out for days, having a neighbor cut down dangling tree limbs before they fall on your house, or having meals/water dropped off when the pipes freeze, involvement in community can provide access to these supports when the unexpected happens.
Friends can help us stay on track with health-related goals as well. It is easier to stick with a new habit when someone checks in with you about it. Friends can also join you on a walk, going to the gym together, or even brainstorming ideas for balanced meals.
Mental/emotional health
Friends and family also provide much needed emotional support. Sometimes they validate our feelings and experiences and other times they challenge our perspectives. If I am venting about a tough situation at work or feeling overlooked for an opportunity, a simple “i can’t believe he did that!” or “you shouldn’t have been treated that way” can hold space for my sadness and hurt in a constructive way. On the other hand, if I am overreacting, a friend can lovingly tell me to chill out or remind me of what I am capable of.
When we have someone to vent to and express our burdens and frustrations, we are less likely to lash out at others. Friends can talk us down when we are worked up about something and call us out when we are reacting poorly. Friends can also join in our emotions and provide presence in hard times. Even if there is nothing they can do about our circumstance (death of a loved one, losing a job, receiving a heavy diagnosis), simply sharing space and carrying the burden together is a game changer in making the circumstance manageable.
Spiritual health
No matter what your faith background is, spiritual health (feeling connected to or at peace with a higher power) matters. Gathering for prayer can provide support and acknowledgement in hard circumstances. Attending faith services with others who align with our values helps strengthen our sense of belonging and acceptance. We benefit from allowing others to hold us accountable for the morals and values we claim to hold. It isn’t always comfortable, but that’s growth.
Okay, so how do we find our village?
Let’s be real; relationships are difficult. Humans make mistakes and being in close proximity to others means seeing the worst of them along with the best of them. Because of this it is important to recognize who your people are and who you may need to keep distance from. Striving for acceptance from everyone is exhausting and not likely to be fruitful.
Start with those who you have something in common with. Do you live in the same neighborhood? Do you have the same hobbies? Are your children in the same class or part of the same organization? Do they value the same things you do? Do you fight for the same causes? When you ask these questions, who comes to mind?
Here are a few suggestions of places to meet new people:
For story lovers, library events, book clubs, or even movie releases can be low risk and can allow you to connect with others who like to read or watch movies.
For the athletic folks, local gyms or club sports teams can connect you with others who want to play pick-up games or practice during the week.
For the home bodies who prefer board games, puzzles, or group games (D&D, magic the gathering, etc.), gaming studios often have time to show up and join a group to play!
Social media is daunting, but there are pockets of the social media world that allow for real connection: Facebook groups and discord servers come to mind. There are all sorts of groups you can connect with! Chronic illness, parents of children with disabilities, crafty pages (crocheting, painting, costume design, etc.).
Church/faith-based events: gathering with like-minded people is a great start to forming lasting relationships.
Classes: taking courses in subjects that interest you can quickly connect with others who share the same interest!
Community centers can be a great place to serve your local community!
What’s next?
You did your research, attended the event, met some new friends… now what? Keep it up! Check in via text or phone call, ask about life events, and make plans again! It’s like dating but for platonic relationships. The more time you spend together and interact, the easier it is and the more opportunities you have to build the relationship.
Some other things to consider:
Real, hearty relationships take time – it is the long game, but so very worth sticking around for.
With the capability of technology in 2026, your village does not need to fit within one city or even one state. You can lean on local friends for hands on needs and reach out to grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, college friends, or pen-pals across the country.
Please know that there are so many resources you can still obtain while you wait for your village to jump into action. For instance, United Way’s 211 Helpline is a free and confidential service helping people find the local resources they need for help in times of crisis and beyond, and Findhelp.org is a website that searches your area (by zip code) for programs from food boxes to transportation and even housing needs. This is not a replacement for your village but can certainly be a support in the interim!
Heather Fraser, LPC-MHSP, helps clients heal from trauma, navigate life transitions, and manage stress and anxiety. She has appointments available at Insight’s office in the Donelson neighborhood of Nashville and through telehealth.