Be the Light in the Darkness for Your Child
Written by Antonitte Mashburn
Recently, my daughter participated in a theater performance. Like many parents, I was excited to sit in the audience and watch her perform. We have had a year of practice. I had my phone ready, tissues nearby just in case I became one of those emotional parents, and was prepared to clap like she had just won a Tony Award.
As the play began, I noticed something that stuck with me. While she was doing a great job on stage, she kept looking out into the crowd. Her eyes were scanning the audience, almost like she was searching for someone.
She was looking for us!
The stage lights were so bright that she could barely see into the audience. Even though we were there cheering her on, we blended into the darkness. After the performance, I talked with my mother-in-law about this. Interestingly, we both had observed the same thing. She mentioned that she saw my daughter looking around the audience several times throughout the performance to search for familiar faces.
That conversation led us to talk about how important a child’s support system is, especially during moments that feel stressful, overwhelming, or outside of their comfort zone. Whether a child is in a school play, dance recital, choir concert, talent show, or sporting event, they often look for the people who make them feel safe.
As parents, grandparents, and caregivers, we may think that simply showing up is enough. And while showing up is incredibly important, it made me wonder if there was a way to help our children actually see that support while they are performing.
That’s when we came up with an idea.
What if our family brought glow sticks of a specific color and told our child beforehand what color to look for? Maybe Mom has a green glow stick, Dad has blue, Grandma has purple, or the entire family uses the same color. Before the performance begins, our child knows exactly what color to search for if they start feeling nervous.
The glow stick becomes more than just a glow stick.
It becomes a reminder.
A reminder that someone showed up for them.
A reminder that they are not alone.
A reminder that even when they can’t hear our voices, they still have people cheering them on.
And let’s be honest, if you’ve ever watched a group of elementary-aged children perform, there is always at least one child staring directly into the audience instead of where they’re supposed to be. Mine just happened to be looking for her people.
Research supports the importance of family involvement and support. Children who feel supported by their families tend to have greater confidence and are more willing to participate in activities that challenge them1. Studies have also found that parental involvement positively impacts children’s emotional well-being and overall success2.
As someone studying Marriage and Family Therapy, I can’t help but think about this from a family systems perspective. We often talk about how children do not grow in isolation. Family resilience is strengthened when family members provide encouragement, connection, and emotional support during difficult or stressful situations3. Something as simple as seeing a familiar light in the audience can remind a child that they have people standing behind them, even when they are standing on their own.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized this lesson goes far beyond the stage.
Life is full of moments where our children will feel nervous, uncertain, or afraid. There will be presentations, interviews, competitions, first days, and difficult conversations. We won’t always be able to stand beside them, but we can continue to remind them that they have a support system they can count on.
Sometimes being a supportive parent isn’t about fixing the problem or giving advice. Sometimes it’s about being present. Sometimes it’s about showing up. Sometimes it’s sitting through a two-hour performance to watch your child appear on stage for three minutes, and loving every second of it.
And sometimes it’s about finding small ways to remind our children that we are there.
Sometimes all a child needs is a light in the darkness to remind them they are loved, supported, and never alone.
Antonitte Mashburn helps clients of all ages manage anxiety and heal from trauma and stress. As a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern, she also guides couples and families navigating relationship issues. She has therapy appointments available in Franklin and through telehealth.
- Kelty, N. E., & Wakabayashi, T. (2020). Family engagement in schools: Parent, educator, and community perspectives. SAGE Open, 10(4), 1–13. ↩︎
- Kantová, K. (2024). Parental involvement and education outcomes of their children. Applied Economics. Advance online publication. ↩︎
- Walsh, F. (2021). Strengthening family resilience (4th ed.). Guilford Press. ↩︎