Cognitive Distortions
Written by Christina Jackson, LPC-MHSP(Temp.)
Reading minds! We all think we can do it, but are our conclusions accurate? Or predicting the future! You know you’ve done it a time or two. You’re at the family summer cookout and that relative slights you, again. You know they took your favorite seat at the picnic table on purpose (even though you have never told anyone about your preference).
“I bet they take the last one of my favorite cupcakes too,” you think to yourself. “And they probably won’t leave me any potato salad!”
Laugh though you may, this is an example of cognitive distortions. Specifically, it’s the cognitive distortion of Jumping to Conclusions. , like mind reading (thinking you know the other person’s thoughts and motives without having had a conversation or any verifiable evidence) and predicting the future (which is just like it sounds and you come up with an entire storyline about what will happen next).
The cognitive distortions I will discuss in this blog are All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mental Filtering, Jumping to Conclusions, and Personalization. What is a cognitive distortion? Glad you asked. Cognitive distortion means our thoughts, or cognitions, have become distorted, or changed, in some way that causes us to not be able to clearly see the facts in front of us. They taint or alter our view of situations, ourselves, other people, and the world in which we live. So, how do we undo the distortion and regain clarity? Let’s take a look at the nature of each distortion and how to bring it back into alignment.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-Nothing Thinking is sometimes referred to as Black-and-White Thinking. It’s the idea that there are no grey areas or nuance to life. A sample statement may sound like, “I can’t start until I’m sure I can do it perfectly on the first try.” The distortion is that I must be perfect at everything all the time. But the truth is, no one is perfect at everything on their first try. All-or-Nothing Thinking may show up in relationships, like, “They haven’t messaged me back yet, so they must hate me.” It can also sneak into our thoughts at work/school. For example, “My boss/teacher/professor suggested an edit, so my whole assignment is terrible, and I am an incompetent failure.” Maybe you’ve had these thoughts around nutrition and exercise. For instance, “I ate one cookie, so I might as well eat the whole pack of cookies since my diet is ruined anyways,” or, “I don’t have time for this morning’s workout, so the whole week is ruined and I’m a failure at this.” Have you noticed a pattern? This black or white perspective goes to extreme thoughts, which are negative in nature, and are not backed by evidence.
A Helpful Alternative to All-or-Nothing Thinking
Since All-or-Nothing Thinking takes us to the extremes, with no middle ground, it’s helpful to use perspective taking to explore possibilities that aren’t as extreme. For example, alternate possibilities to “They haven’t messaged me back” may include: Maybe their phone battery died and they don’t have a charger, maybe they are in the middle of something or got another call, maybe they are in a dead zone and the reception is bad, maybe they are thinking about how they want to answer my message, maybe they thought they hit send but it didn’t send.
It’s helpful to think of five to ten possible reasons for why they didn’t message back right away. This exercise helps your mind remain flexible to possibilities, rather than become rigid with only extreme assumptions like “they must hate me.” Perspective taking is also helpful for Jumping to Conclusions, as depicted in the opening story. In both distortions, it is more useful to give the benefit of the doubt, ask clarifying questions to better understand, and not make assumptions.
Mental Filter
Perhaps you are a person who does gather evidence instead of making assumptions. Yet, all of the evidence you see is negative. In the cognitive distortion of Mental Filtering, we tend to only pay attention to our failures and dismiss our successes. For example, you make a to-do list with seven things to accomplish. By the end of the day, you have six of the seven tasks completed. Instead of celebrating the six accomplishments, you berate yourself for not finishing the seventh item. This distortion tends to rob us of joy and gratitude while mentally beating us down for never being ‘good enough.’ It may sound like, “We had a wonderful day at the park, nap time and grocery shopping went smooth, dinner and bath time was great, but my child threw a small fit at bedtime, so I’m a terrible parent.” See the pattern? There is evidence for both positive and negative experiences, but the cognitive distortion filters out all of the wonderful things and only leaves the disappointing memories.
A Helpful Alternative to Your Mental Filter
Musicians quickly learn that when they miss a note, they’re supposed to keep playing without drawing attention to it. Afterall, most people won’t notice if the error is small. This practice allows the audience to enjoy the song as a whole, even with a slight flaw. Likewise, when working with Mental Filtering, it is helpful to ‘hear the whole song’ or look at the bigger picture. For instance, writing a daily inventory each night of things that went well during the day can help to acknowledge your successes and refocus your attention. You can pair it with a gratitude list of at least five things that brought you joy or that you are thankful for from the day. The goal is to bring all of the evidence into view, noticing both where you can improve and where you are succeeding.
Personalization
Have you ever thought, “Our team didn’t win because my part wasn’t perfect,” or “My partner is quiet tonight, I must have done something to upset them.” Maybe you’ve thought, “She used a period instead of an exclamation mark (or no smiley emoji), so she must be mad at me,” or “My parents are divorcing because I am too difficult to raise.” In Personalization we tend to only see through our own lens and believe that 100% of the fault lies within us. It’s a form of internalization where everything is our own fault (even if it’s completely outside of our ability to control) and nothing is caused or contributed to by the people around us or even external circumstances like natural disasters and such.
At the other end is externalization, where the blame falls entirely on others and we don’t see our part in any situation or accept partial responsibility.
See the pattern? Both tend to be at extreme ends – all my fault or all the blame goes to others. Yet, there is a more balanced way of viewing events.
A Helpful Alternative to Personalization
Accountability acknowledges the parts we may have contributed to a situation, while also recognizing how the choices and actions of other people have factored into the incident. For instance, recognizing and owning it when you raise your voice or harden your tone in a conversation is a way of being accountable for your actions.
Likewise, recognizing that you can influence, but you cannot control, other people and their feelings keeps you from claiming full responsibility for their actions and the way they feel. Like in the previous example, your partner being quiet doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong. In truth, it could be for any reason. This is where perspective taking is a helpful exercise. It helps us think of a wide variety of possibilities. When we hold the possibilities more loosely, and engage with others to gain further information, then we can better understand how we’re influencing the other person or people involved without automatically absorbing all of the responsibility on ourselves.
Another helpful tip for developing an accountability mindset rather than Personalization or blaming is a Mental Pie Chart. In this exercise, you can divide an incident into “pie slices.” For example, some contributing factors might include the weather, other people’s choices, your own choices, and a budget. You can envision a circular pie chart, then mentally cut the slices and assign a contributing factor to each section. This exercise will help you see that many things are responsible for the outcome. It is not all your fault (internalization) nor is it all someone else’s fault (externalization). Instead, you will be able to more effectively manage what is your responsibility without ending up at either end of extreme thoughts or feelings.
Overall, cognitive distortions occur whenever our thoughts are disfigured and begin to misrepresent the truth. We cover a few here, and there are many more cognitive distortions that people commonly experience. There is also Magnification (Catastrophizing) and Minimization, Should & Must: Using Critical Words, Overgeneralizing, Labeling, and Emotional Reasoning. The main key is to watch your speech and thoughts for patterns of extremes. Typically, the helpful alternative is found in the middle. It’s like floating down a cool relaxing river on a warm day. You want to flow down the middle of the stream (i.e., finding a healthy balance) instead of hitting against either side of the riverbanks (i.e., extreme ends of thinking).
Christina Jackson helps children, teens, and adults heal from trauma, navigate grief, and manage anxiety. She has therapy appointments available in Murfreesboro, Cookeville, and through telehealth.